Smell Tale

There are weird thoughts that appear in your mind when you visit weird places or involved in weird activities. I suffered from one such bout of weirdness today. Considering the nature of weirdness of this incident, it is not even worth a mention. Yet I am writing a post on it.

It happened so, that I entered a toilet. I would not like to mention which toilet I visited or where was it located, since such data isn’t of much meaning. And if you fell it is of meaning, then with little effort even you can create the magic of that toilet at your home. Just don’t flush of pour water in your loo after you use it for a day or two, and keep visiting make it a point to visit it often during the day. To make it more interesting, you can invite over some of your relatives and friends and feed them nothing but water, till their bladders about to burst. You can also use social media like Facebook and drop an invitation to everybody on your friend’s list like this –

Pee in XYZ’s Loo!
You have been invited by XYZ to pee in his loo
as a part of social experiment
Would you like to pee in his loo?

Confirm / Ignore

Now, coming back to our post of the day, after I entered the toilet, a gush of stench entered my nostrils almost suffocating me to death. For a moment I felt it was an attempt of my assassination carried out by some unknown secret organisations like CIA. But I stroked out that possibility, assured of my uselessness to any secret organisation worldwide. It could have been Pune University, for I didn’t appear for exams even after paying exam fees, which kind of hurt their ego. But they were too lazy a lot to take any such step.

I had consumed too much of water, summer being the season of this spring. So, under any state of distress, I had to pee! That left me with no other option than bearing the stench and proceeding with my ritual.

However - after a few moments - to my extreme surprise, the stench transformed into a sweet odour that began tickling my nasal hair. When I realised that, I halted for a moment in my ritual, out of shock! Then through the rest of it, I pondered over the transformation of a stench into an odour, like that of Jassi into Jaspreet. My first guess was that some diabetic had peed there, emptying all his saturated sugar into the provided space. Hence the sweetness.

As I gave it a serious thought, I realised that urine had ammonia in it. The same ammonia which we used to sniff and get a bogus high, whenever we had a chance to lay our hand on it when we were in our chemistry lab. No way I was going to do the same here, but what was important was its peculiar bitter sweet stinging odour. Some of the regular sniffers of ammonia, who had later resorted to their loos for the same, after being thrown out of college for trying to steal a barrel of ammonia from chemistry lab, had informed us that ammonia leaves a sweet after taste one you are done with filling your lungs with the exact amount of it. That nudged my mind as sharply as the stench of ammonia.

A question mingled in my mind in the last phase of my ritual. Why sweet?
I tried to remember the chemical formula for ammonia. It was NH4 I correctly remember. Not because I am intelligent, but because it resembled with the name of a National Highway. NH4 means Nitrogen and Hydrogen. None of them smell sweet. Or do they? How do they smell. Or even taste in that matter.

Our science teacher once told us a story, as she shabbily scratched he back with the end of a pencil she had borrowed from the class topper, of a scientist who wanted to know the taste of sodium. Now sodium, like some elements and unlike some elements is not appropriate for human consumption, till it does not find itself another eligible suitor element like Chlorine. But the scientist seemed too fond of tasting elements and stayed adamant on having a bite of it. So one fine morning at the tea time, he sat down with his daily newspaper, his cup of tea, a pen and a pad, in case the taste was fabulous and he was tempted to write an essay on its taste. In his last moments or the moments of life after the tasting ceremony. He sipped tea and read newspaper – he didn’t want to miss any of the worldly events in case he lost his life during the tasting regime.

After wrapping up all his daily chores, he finally took a bite of Sodium, guess what – He died on the spot!

But before he crashed dead on the floor, or the table, or whatever, he wrote something on the paper. It was ‘S’! Nobody till date has been able to decipher what that S meant.

As I washed my hands, I tried taking a guess what it must have meant.

Sweet – Sour – Salty – Sugary – Sexy – Sex (Because it was his last time) – Solid – Superlative – Same! (He had tasted something similarly disappointing before) – Sucks – Shengdana – Superb – Satiating (since he died) – Sensuous (He died out of arousal) – Smacking – Shitty (considering he had consumed it earlier out of his undying urge to taste everything) – Sad – Simple – Senile – Smooth (Since it gave him a quick death.) – Scratchy – Saleable (If he had been a hired scientist, paid to test if it was saleable or not. Or he was into market research) – Sundar (If he knew Marathi then) – Sushi (If he had tasted Sushi before that) – Saliva (You don’t even need to guess the reason) – Shahi (If he was closely associated with Moghuls) – Sadiyal – Satyanaash (again as he died)

Someone came up to me and gently whispered in my ear “Please don’t waste water”.

I closed the tap and left the bathroom. But the question that still remains is that, what was it that ‘S’ specified.

And yes. Also why the stench turned sweet.

HA HA HA HA AND YOU THOUGHT SOMETHING INTERESTING MIGHT HAPPEN IN THIS POST!